Well guys I just had the worst nightmare of my life that was not war related flashbacks ( which I still have every now and then ). I am pretty good at breaking down dreams bad or good and what they mean. If I don't know what something means then of course I have the inter-webs so I can find out most of the time, but here I'm a tad thrown off. The images are fading fast from my head as I wake up more so I wanted to try and get as much noted as I could. I just woke up screaming and crying and then I guess from the movement the pain in my groin and hip set in and I almost blacked out from it. So here's what I remember, dark rooms, caves I think, trying to get access to the caves but the outside was also dark and I couldn't find my way, but still the cave was there and I just needed to get inside. Then for some reason I was almost cut in half by a bigger and distorted version of myself, that's when I woke up. A few ideas come to mind first of which goes back to what I said the other day, being lost and such, and the feeling that I may have gotten in the way of my own future and destiny with my injuries and all. However the perverted part of my brain thinks this is sex related, as I have stated before because of pain and such it has been a while ( 3 years to be exact ) and it's been like 2 weeks since I have even seen my wife ( the longest time ever not related to a deployment ), so I was feeling good and my pain wasn't that bad and she looked real good last night and the mood struck......well it once again only struck me, hence the problem, it's either her drive is gone and not coming back or her drive for me is gone either way I screwed......or not I guess ( ha .... words are funny ) I don't hide things in this blog and Mel knows that and I wasn't lewd or anything so she won't be mad at me but with the inclusion of the cave I just can't seem to get inside and then myself, a bigger, more ugly me standing in the way which could be a reference to the weight I put on and how I view myself and use that as the reason I feel she just doesn't want me anymore ..... as far as that me almost cutting myself in half....well I guess you'll have to figure that bat crap cray stuff out for yourself. Now the rational side of me just wants to write this off as a nightmare, plain and simple with no context or meaning, sometimes a dream is just a dream, I do feel like we as a species and a civilization we tend to over evaluate and place extra or not needed meaning on things, but as Freud said sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. I don't know, anyone have any ideas because I am caught a bit off guard here.
... Of the day
Music is anything by Human League the androgynous 80's pop band with the eerie yet melodic hits like Don't you want me baby and Fascination among others.
TV, I'm re-watching That 70's show, very good show, it was funny.
Movie is the semi flop hit Vanilla Sky because that's only thing more crazy than my dream. Also Orange County, great movie with many layers and a Jack Black before he got to big for his own good. For the horror needs of the day lets go with Pet Sematary great flick it often gets lost among some of King's othe books just stay away from the sequel. Peace eye listeners.
G'day Dave. Your words of advice to me (re- house selling) were, "Hang in there, good things happen to good people" We have a term here in Oz called handballing, maybe it is used in other countries as well, so I am handballing these words right back to you. As always Dave, take care. Liz...
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